I am upset even though I am not permitted to be furious about how he's treated me, just as I am not allowed to experience anything my abuser isn't experiencing. If my abuser is frustrated, I am expected to be frustrated; if he is happy, I am imagined to be happy.
I am merely a mirror for my abuser. My temperament "should be the same" as his so my abuser is authenticated and justified in feeling whatever he does at the second. The punishment for revealing any feelings or behaviors without "permission" usually outweighs the gain of feeling them.
Whenever I am "different" from my abuser, I am:
incorrect, living in a dream world, irrational, foolish, or (my abuser's word) "unbelievable", exceedingly emotional, too naive to see the truth, untruthful, conniving, or sneaky, ludicrous, absentminded, making up stories, acting like a drama addict, looking for a fight, and so on...
To put it briefly, if I show my individuality, my separateness from my abuser, I am verbally beat into submission into the emotion I "should" be feeling. When I go along, he is happy; when I rebel, everyone is miserable.
More on verbal abuse at http://www.verbalabusejournals.com/verbal-abuse-marriage/
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